ROBOTANY

How To Foil An Alien Abduction

brophinator — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:38:00 +0000

You’re driving along a dark, deserted road when suddenly a UFO appears overhead in front of you. You pull over just as a beam of light radiates from the craft, and you can see five gray-colored aliens descending in the beam. You get out of your car for a closer look. Uh-oh! The aliens are rapidly moving toward you, and you think that you’re going to be abducted. What should you do?

Do not panic.
The extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE) may sense your fear and act rashly.

Control your thoughts.
Do not think of anything violent or upsetting–the EBE may have the ability to read your mind. Try to avoid mental images of abduction (boarding the saucer, body probes, etc.). Such images may encourage the alien to take you.

Resist verbally.
Firmly tell the EBE to leave you alone. If you’re desperate, try and sell it a life insurance policy–that usually repels humans, and it may also work on EBEs.

Resist mentally.
Picture yourself enveloped in a protective shield of white light or in a safe place. Picture the EBE handcuffed and behind bars or being audited by the IRS. Telepathic EBEs may get the message.

Resist physically.
Physical resistance should be used only as a last resort. Go for the EBE’s eyes (if it has any). You will not know what its other, more sensitive areas are.

BASED ON THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO SURVIVAL HANDBOOK: TRAVEL, BY JOSHUA PIVEN AND DAVID BORGENICHT, ©2001 BY BOOK SOUP PUBLISHING. USED WITH PERMISSION OF CHRONICLE BOOKS, LLC (http://www.chroniclebooks.com).

The study is complete and the data is collected……

brophinator — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 04:58:56 +0000

Hello loyal readers,

Today I’d like to discuss the results of a year long study that myself and Baby Lazarus have just completed. The results are startling! Now that the study is complete and all the data has been run through a powerful computer program, it has become clear. By the year 2010 57% of all americans will own a robot. This is not speculation. It is fact. Further analysis shows that 91% of these robots will turn on their owner. Again, this is fact. In my next blog I will explain how we came to these conclusions.

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